Clawing The Way

I won't pretend that I'm not addicted to social networks. I don't have an extremely fascinating or fulfilling life that takes up my time & interest enough to avoid the mindless behavior of wondering what everyone else is doing. You've read enough philosophical rants about how social networking has ruined the individual identity; how it sucks the life out of creativy and self confidence, or hinders the process of self reflection. I won't necessarily rehash all of that. However, I will say that most of what is written on social networks is basically coming from a need for attention - because that's how the human mind functions. We have a need for communication, a need for recognition, & a need for validation. So we use facebook to write about our dull lifes, and our friends "like" it b/c they're lives are just as boring & they can relate. Or we use twitter as an outlet for our random stream of thought, b/c whether someone likes it or not, we feel like we're getting our notes on life out there. We're like authors who can't focus enough to create an actual piece of literature, just a lot of quotes that no one will remember. Its sad to step back and view it all like this, but at the same time, it gives us a small sense that we're not alone. That there are other people out there sitting at home, lonely & wondering what we're doing.

The only problem with that is we seem to have lost the art of communication. How many status updates have you actually commented on recently? If you see that a girl/guy you like is also lonely or looking for something to do, did you ever respond? Of course not. You're not going to say anything. You may think about it, but you're not going to open a dialogue. That would be risky. Someone might ridicule you or think you're a moron. You might forced to look at another point of view. Or what if you comment & no one responds? Honestly, I'm not sure people even know how to have a real discussion anymore. Its an odd thing - we all seem to be sharing these little tidbits so that we can connect with others just like us, but in reality, no one is willing to come out and SAY something. We all just sit online on facebook messanger, content that another person is also at home, trying to will them to talk to us.

I was on a very short solo roadtrip a few weeks ago, and there were many times when I did not have reception. I was forced to return my natural way of having to entertain myself, solve my own problems, and take in the world around me. For those 3 days, it was so freeing. I remembered who I was. I felt a connection to those traveling around me, and just settled into the calm of the road. And while I was "lost" in the SE backhills of Wyoming for a good 2hrs, I had a moment or two of panick at the thought of ranch life so far from civilization, but in the end I only wanted to set off into those wide open hills on foot or on horseback. When I returned home, reality hit hard; because life is too short to be stuck in this environment where we don't even remember LIFE, only what we read on status updates over the past week. Life is too short to be stuck in a job that bores you to the point that you miss whole weeks and month in the stupor of cubicle life, living life vicariously through people who are better at documenting their lives. Moreover, life is too short to have virtual connections be the source of our social interactions.

Everyone has one specific dream that they go to when they think about where they want to end up - where they belong. Its the scenario in your mind which took root at some point when you were developing that you know in your heart it is where you want to be. If you had one choice despite anything that is going on right now, you can close your eyes & see it. This is not where I wanted to be. This is not who I am. And saying that I will get there in another year or two, or a few decades - that is not working for me. If you ever use the term YOLO, take a second to think about what it means. Then get off your ass, off your computer, talk to the pretty girl/guy you've been lurking who you know in your heart might understand you, or get the hell out of town & remember what living means. Life is too short to not be taking radical chances.

Nothing Feels Good

-"How nothing feels so much like a language nothing ever gets finished, like i ninety-foreign highways and cities, listening to silence, where all the useless songs in america are haunting me, so in the long thigh of the late sunlight, i come back from the years."-


The Promise Ring
(album insert)