Open your Mind

I think Rob Delaney is one funny guy. I can honestly say that at least one, if not many, of his tweets make my day. If he ever comes to your town, you should probably make it your business to go see his show. That being said, he recently reposted this link to an old blog post of his concerning depression. Its the kind of brutal honesty people sometimes need to hear. Maybe you've felt like this, or are a skeptic and know someone who "claims" to have felt like this. In any case, its real and its a common problem, so wake up and deal with it.

On Depression & Getting Help by Rob Delaney

Nocturne

"It is dreadful when something weighs on your mind, not to have a soul to unburden yourself to. You know what I mean. I tell my piano the things I used to tell you." - Frederic Chopin

 

Dream a little Dream

I'm going to say this right now. This could get weird. So you've been warned... but its something I wonder about, and have recently read more theories (though rather wild) on the subject, so I wanted to elaborate. If you are so inclined to add your two cents (besides, "you're crazy, shut up,) I welcome you to do so!

Dreams. Mine are.. well, odd. vivid. elaborate. Entire story lines with details, characters, etc. An entire world on the other side. I don't have reoccurring dreams, but sequels. I know where places are in reference to other landmarks in my dream and can remember other events that have happened while dreaming. I realize this isn't any extremely unique phenomenon, as I've talked to, and read about, many others who experience this, but it can still be somewhat.. disturbing.

Now. Simple explanation would be this: overactive imagination and conscious thought. Right? Well, that's what I would chalk it up to mostly. Especially when I can tie certain themes to issues I face in my waking life. And with the memory of the dream world and lucid thought, well apparently some part of the brain is working overtime for some reason or another.

HOWEVER, what about all the crazy plot lines, the diverse locations, the vivid journeys? Creativity? Moreover how does anyone explain this: There have been a few times now when I have visited a place I had never been before, and have come across a scene, building, etc. straight out of a dream I'd had months, even years earlier. I've had to stop and stare b/c it was stronger than typical deja vu. I had seen it only in a specific dream. The most recent was driving through a small mining town in Central Pennsylvania. I've never been to Pennsylvania, but I could remember the entire dream and could see it exactly as it was in front of me. So how is that possible? Had I seen something similar and pieced it into my dream and was remembering what I thought I had dreamed? That might be a rational explanation.

 So here is the irrational, or bizarre, explanation: String Theory. Parallel universes. Some people seem to think we can link into them through our dream-state. INSANE, right?? I feel a little silly even typing it, b/c it seems so science fiction, and not at all possible. But what if its true?? (this is where it gets weird, btw.. and I am in no way standing by these ideas, I'm just musing.) What if all those adventures and journeys in strange lands are actually IN strange lands? What if that is actually a different, but parallel world that a similar self is experiencing? And what if the places I see in my waking world that I've never visited are similar places in that parallel universe that I visited in my dreams? HMM?? (another less wacky, but still somewhat supernatural explanation would be that I'm picking up on things which those close to me have seen.)
And not to get all "Scott Pilgrim" here, but what about meeting someone in "reality" that I'd seen in a dream a long time ago, but have never known before. There is no way I could possibly have ever met them, yet the familiarity and certainty felt is uncanny. Did I meet them in a parallel universe through my dream so long ago? And if so, do they have any recollection of that experience, or feel my familiarity when we met, as well?? This is MADNESS!!

Ok, I believe I'm done with my lunatic post for today. I'd just like to reiterate that I in no way strongly believe any of this, but also have no explanation for the more bizarre ends of the situation. For the most part, I believe dreams are a manifestation of your conscious thought and imagination. I just don't know what to do with the rest.

FILM!

 (originally posted in the blog at www.myspace.com/chiqua)

The first time I realized the power of a bizarre movie plot was when I saw Heathers one New Year's Eve in high school. It was darkly humorous, wicked, and to say the least, bizarre. But I loved it. It was exciting. It was different.  However, it wasn't until I was in college, staying in a spare loft with my cousin over Thanksgiving break, that I first understood what really caught my attention in the film world. We were flipping around channels and settled on TCM. We'd never heard of it or seen it, but Inside Daisy Clover was just beginning. When it came to the scene where Christopher Plummer's character picks up Natalie Wood like a child, but then passionately kisses her, we both looked at each other and exclaimed, "what the hell??" And that's when the spark was born. I LOVE those points in a film where the story line takes a bizarre twist and you're left wondering "what in the hell just happened?" Maybe my imagination is too complicated and regular boring movies are too predictable, but I just adore those films that take unmarked turns and start you wondering about every other detail of the plot. Maybe its b/c life is more like that. Bizarrely cruel in sudden twists that you couldn't see coming. Or maybe life isn't like that at all, and for a writer to come up with such a plotline is commendable to their imagination. When I think about it though, I wonder if all of those scenes that make me go "YES!" are what normal human beings could only dream of doing, if their bland life of modesty and contentment didn't hold them back.

For instance, at the end of Daisy Clover, she humorously cannot seem to kill herself, so she turns on the gas line, lights a match, and walks away from her beach house smiling as it goes up in flames. Those are the impulses people have that are suppressed by reality and social codes! When it really comes down to the line, these actions are what characters are forced to do for the good of their sanity. Its brilliant! I absolutely love it! Its the writer getting into the characters head and actually making possible that which would be socially or morally unacceptable. Its a sketch of the individuals psychosis coming to life, creating their own niche, separating them from any other average Jane. Jessica said to me the other day, "remember that film Le Divorce? And in the end it basically taught us it was ok to shoot someone b/c it would work out in the end? what hell was up with that movie?" I know! It was so bizarre. But God knows I have to give kudos to the writer, b/c even if the movie was terrible, the plot twists were awesome :0)

Wild Swans

I looked in my heart while the wild swans went over.

And what did I see I had not seen before?

Only a question less or a question more;

Nothing to match the flight of wild birds flying.

Tiresome heart, forever living and dying,

House without air, I leave you and lock your door.

Wild swans, come over the town, come over

The town again, trailing your legs and crying!

Edna St. Vincent Millay

SNOW!

I get this whimsical thrill walking down a plowed sidewalk with snow piled high on either side, so there is only a narrow, clean path for me to follow. I've come up with two reasons for this: 1) It makes me feel like I live in Lapland in a magical castle of ice and snow, and 2) It reminds me of being little and playing fox and geese in our backyard. We'd watch from the kitchen window with our mom while my dad went out to create a giant maze of paths, and then we'd run around on these narrow little walks pretending to be geese outrunning the fox. My dad taught us well to love snow. We had enough chance early on in Wyoming (see above,) but of course took advantage of every opportunity the Midwest offered, after that.

 Last night when it continued to snow for 8 hours, I knew what my dad would be thinking. He'd be fantasizing about the giant hill in their backyard and the sled run he had lost when the last snow had melted - but now it would be rebuilt! Now the neighbor kids could come over! Now his staff could bring their families! Now there would be more runs - BETTER RUNS! (My mom said she didn't care. She wasn't going out there. If she was going to serve hot cocoa and operate a ski lift, she was going to get paid for it.) He even created a slalom run last week through the trees on the East edge. I felt for certain that I was doomed to crash at the last second, but amazingly made it through.

Now, if you ever thought about wanting to be one of those people who never gets old, then you might want to take lessons from my dad. He apparently refuses to believe he's aged at all, and didn't find anything strange or funny about a man who is almost 60 yrs old going out sledding alone on a Saturday morning to prepare the hill for his grand-daughter. He actually seemed a bit offended that I would suggest it was silly. (All right, but in my defense, their backyard is bordered by two fairly frequented streets, with no privacy fence. Maybe I had too much pride on my mind.) Then a few days later, after he had sufficiently gotten winter fever, I had to convince him to stay in from going out sledding alone at 8:30pm. He thought I was being ridiculous. "Have you ever sledded by moonlight? Its magical!"

I missed the first excursion to the hill. My older brother and his young family went out Saturday morning first, with their dog. Of course, my dad was more than eager to go out again the next day for my benefit, and I was able to convince my 3 yr old niece to come back out for a few more runs. She didn't last long, and resigned herself to eating icicles off the porch railing. I tried taking the dog down with me. Apparently she had enjoyed it the day before. Unfortunately, the first time she got tangled in the rope jumping off the sled. The next time, she panicked halfway down and we crashed. Didn't seem to mind, though. It takes a lot to deter a dog from a good snow. Case in point: she then came bounding across the yard and tackled me mid-flight on my next go.

It's exhilarating, always. Trudging through the white powder, crashing into the soft cold. The chill biting at your face, but the energy of it all keeping you warm. I adore a good snow, and everything it brings - the paradoxical wonderland of adventure and quiet peace.

But you don't have to take MY word for it..

It's book review time! I have a new book to rave about, and demand that you all go out and read it: The Woman in Black by Susan Hill. Its a short book, so you don't have to worry about a long investment, and I highly doubt it would lose your attention in the first place. When my brother gave it to me, he told me 4 things:
1) Its a ghost story
2) Its really good
3) Its going to be made into a movie starring Daniel Radcliffe
4) It scared the hell out of him in the middle of the day.
Of course, the 1st and 2nd points grabbed my interest. I didn't really care about the 3rd, though now I'm rather intrigued. The 4th made me wonder what on earth he was talking about. How could a book possibly be that disturbing? Well, it is. Not so much in the context of subject matter, as the way it is presented. The writing is brilliant, and it will make you a bit jumpy at times, to say the least. If the movie is directed and produced as well as the book is written, it will be one hell of a nightmare.

A few others I highly recommend:

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Written in the style of a gothic novel, I absolutely loved this book. One thing that always discourages me is when a plotline is so obvious that I've figured it out half-way through the book and get bored. Not this book. You might think you know what's going on, but you don't. And even when things have changed around and you're starting to put things right, bam! Its something completely different. From beginning to end, this story is woven tight.

Five Quarters of The Orange by Joanne Harris
This is another book that kept my interest throughout by not letting go of any of its secrets. The story flips between present day and WWII, and focuses on one woman and the undisclosed event that scarred her family's name during her childhood in a small French village.

Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
Another WWII story, but focused more on the holocaust and its effects. Each chapter flips between the story of a present day Parisian woman, and a little Jewish girl during the war. Opened my eyes to a  part of the holocaust of which I had not entirely been aware.