Another Important List

In my top favorite songs, I mentioned that you'd see much more variety if I listed my top 20 songs, or top albums. So here is the latter, in no particular order. A bit different from the impression my top 10 songs gave, yeah? Some are just immaculate albums, others are personal favorites.

Top 10 Albums

III - Led Zeppelin
London Calling - The Clash
Battle of Los Angeles - Rage Against the Machine
Vs. - Pearl Jam
Early Morning Hymns - Old Canes
Stadium Arcadium - Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Animal - Richard Walters
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot - Wilco
I'm Wide Awake, Its Morning - Bright Eyes
Pinkerton - Weezer

All At Once

I'm going to try to write this without seeming too nauseatingly philosophical. I've just been thinking a lot the past.. well, 5+ years. Mainly typical stuff about "am I living up to where I wanted to be, WHO I wanted to be, who everyone EXPECTS me to be," and I've got to say, its a bit tiring. I know I'm not alone in this strange upper-20's/30-something crisis. People in my generation have learned to take a stand and not settle for something that will ultimately cause them suffering - dead-end jobs, relationships, etc. Unfortunately, there's a good number of us who have made it to the age of 30 without any resolution in sight. Maybe we were too restless during our college years, maybe too focused on our career or a relationship, and now feel like we're missing something. Whatever the case, the idea of where we'd be at age 30 as imagined by our 5 or even 10 year old selves, is not even close to where we find ourselves today. Meanwhile, those peers who were calm and accepting during their early 20's are married to their perfect equal, and may have one or two adorable children. They make good money doing what they love, and probably own a house. In one sense, they've passed us by in success. Maybe you can understand how all these scenarios can plague someone like me, who is beginning to wonder if "the American dream" is going to find its way into my life. You know what, though? Forget the American Dream. Before that dream there were settlers, traders, vagabonds, etc. Its not like America has always been one big happy suburban family.

A couple days ago I was mulling over a few ideas, and it really got me to look at things a bit differently. So here it goes: We all die. Life doesn't go on forever. I've always understood and accepted this, but it still makes me a little uneasy. Some people are terrified of death and don't even like to acknowledge their own mortality. Its a difficult question - why doesn't everyone get to live a full life? Why are some taken early on when the future was so promising? Well, the future is never a guarantee. Most of us don't like to think about it, but we're only temporary. So with that in mind, why am I sweating over who I'm going to be, and if I'm going to make all the "right memories" before my time comes so I'll feel fulfilled? I'm not going to remember them when I'm dead! So what's the point, right?

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying nothing matters and there is no point to anything. You've got to look at the whole picture. You're a member of the human race. You're one person in billions on this earth, and just one tiny mark in history. So why are you so focused on what YOU personally are going to accomplish in YOUR lifetime for YOUR benefit? Here's the thing: the best anyone can do in their lifetime is to recognize their natural gifts, and then use those to their full extent to help the living world & the human race, either remotely or on a greater scale. If you accomplish this, you're going to leave a legacy - whether the memory of you is passed down through your family, or you're recognized throughout history. Either way, you've made a difference! You've given something to the greater good and kept things churning.

Think about the people you really admire. Think about a person you see everyday that makes you feel better about the world. Think about those artists, geniuses, and humanitarians who have a sense of wise reserve about them. They're not in your face with what they can personally do, they're not pointing out other people's flaws to make themselves look better. They're just doing what they love, what they believe in, and ultimately you've seen what an impression they make. So do what you do, and help who you can. I feel like its better than living in daydreams and giving into fear of failure or oppression.

As for love and feeling fulfilled, I have to believe it will come naturally if we're reaching our individual potentials. Then there is only love and understanding, not a need to be rescued.

That's all, folks.

I'm proud to say that because of my age and experience, I now not only know what I want in a car, housing, or even a mate, but also how to search and find exactly that. Okay, so not as much luck in finding a mate, mainly b/c the kind I've concluded that I'm looking for isn't out chatting up girls at the local bar, or on an online dating site. You apparently have to wait, watch, and work for it once my kind of guy finally surfaces.. and then usually wait some more.. and work some more, but only diligently enough to not come across as overexhuberant; crack through a wall, but only enough for them to take notice as they would a new bird at their window, go through a bit of trial and error.. mainly error... its a complex process, trying to find the perfect way to slide into their world without upsetting their natural habitat.. I'm still waiting on the results.

The car and housing though, I've spent enough years on both of those to know exactly what you should and should not be looking for and at. Besides locating these things much quicker than I used to, I've heard stories from "newbies" on the subject, and I have to say, I'm shocked someone could be so dense and naive. But! You live and learn. Unfortunately I'm thinking some of these young'uns don't seem to have the same amount of common sense as I do. (Seriously, you sign a lease before even walking through the vacant apartment?? I can find loopholes in your contract, but c'mon. Not when you've agreed to everything, sight unseen. Didn't your parents teach you anything?)

Back to the mate, because now I've started thinking. I've always wanted to live in a house on the edge of some kind of amazing landscape. I first came up with this dream on top of the Rimrocks above Billings, MT. We'd gone up there with my cousins and aunt (who have always lived there) and my aunt pointed out this cool house on the edge of the cliff that she said was owned and designed by an architect and his wife. Behind the house, on the other side of the drive, (and I don't know if this is still that way because of housing developements,) the land became like something out of A River Runs Through it. That's what I wanted. Or just a little cottage with gardens I could work, in a little village somewhere. OR a bit of land where I'd have like 5 dog, some cats, a couple of goats, maybe a llama.. You have to have dreams. Moreover, you have to have determination in those dreams. Will it ever work out? Will I end up living instead with a long-time friend in a house in New England with a bunch of cats? Who knows! (Probably not though, b/c both of us are set in our ways when it comes to having our own place. It would be more likely that we'd have adjacent cottages, and live like those "odd women" they wrote about before the 1900's who grew herbs and kept to themselves.) So no! I don't want a husband that works a 9-5 office job, especially one he hates and has no meaning. I don't want to sit on the couch every night of the week watching the prime time sitcoms. You know, the best marriage I've ever seen, and what I still think works perfectly for the right kind of people, is that of the organ builder who I met this Spring. He has his home and shop outside of Seattle, WA. However, 4-6 months out of the year he's either traveling to do some work on installed organs, or living in another location while he installs his latest creation. Guess what his wife does. She handles a lot of his administration work, but she is also an artist.. and she has an apartment in Houston. MIND-BLOWING. I love it! Seriously. That is the key. Do your own thing, be supportive of your partner doing theirs, and you still have a mutual home and someone to love. BAM. That's all, folks.


*And yes, I do love Looney Tunes.

Lazy Drive (mixtape, playlist)

Forever Longing the Golden Sunsets - The Appleseed Cast
Hey, Hey, What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin
Lost in the Supermarket - The Clash
Here Comes Your Man - The Pixies
I Summon You - Spoon
Don't Say You Don't - Maritime
Last Dance With Mary Jane - Tom Petty
Dramamine - Modest Mouse
Kamera - Wilco
Overdue - The Get Up Kids
Always See Your Face - Love
The Song Was Right - Old Canes
Closer to You - Brandi Carlisle
Falling - Ben Kweller

Alone at Work, So Here's a List!

I'm terrible at picking favorites. If you ever ask me what my favorite band is, I don't know. I used to have an idea, but then I start thinking about it, and how can you pick one band/artist out of all the thousands across the decades and genres? Same with movies.. I might say High Fidelity or Gross Pointe Blank one day, but then I might say something by Almodovar on another.  How do you decide??

All these years I've struggled to come up with my favorite song. Finally awhile back I decided what would be my top, number one, favorite of all time. I always came back to it, so it might as well be official: Led Zeppelin's Since I've been Loving You. Its got everything. Mood, structure, build, and the guitar solo was recorded when Jimmy Page was just playing out in the hallway! Plus, you know, its by one of the greatest rock bands in history. I feel like its the closest thing to a perfect song.



That being said, I had a hard time narrowing the rest of my favorites down to five. I could come up with maybe 6 or 7, but that's not really a good number, now is it? So here are the TOP TEN. The slower songs are basically all the ones that just kill me every time.
The others make me feel free, and I can't help smiling. I could easily do 20, but then where does it stop??

*revised AGAIN


Since I've Been Loving You - Led Zeppelin
Lover, You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
Case of You - Joni Mitchell
Still Be Around - Uncle Tupelo
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Kathy's Song - Simon & Garfunkel
Don't Think Twice, Its Alright - Bob Dylan
Mary Jane's Last Dance - Tom Petty
Wet Sand - RHCP
Evaporated - Ben Folds Five

Breaking the Soundproof Glass

I stand by my actions, I have few regrets
Held close, gone quiet, until our paths cross again.
That mad girl - stifled 10 years - just a whisper in your ear
She knows how to coax and call  to your heart,
to break through this soundproof glass

But what of all our failures and follies?
Me drowned in whiskey, you drowned in fear
Yet hours past - my hand on your waist
Oh darling, what have we started here?

Up creaky stairs to the corner room
where we're allowed to remember how a warm body feels
The soothing air of vulnerability, the haze, the taunting scent of skin
To be left alone in that drawn-out moment
(so quickly accustomed to drawing you near)

The party fades, the voices stir
I was lost on the moment, and faltered in your words

Just Doing Some Research..

I tend to enjoy any time I spend on wikipedia. Its usually my go-to source for anything of interest. I realize critics always say its not the most reliable site, but at the same time, I feel the things I'm researching will have accurate data for the most part. Here's the thing I love about wikipedia: Its a never-ending path to knowledge! More often than not, I go to look up one thing, then while reading I wonder about something else mildly related, click on the link, and I'm on a new topic.

Here's a good example:
-I started by looking up the Tibetan book of the Dead *inside joke at the bottom
-Then I wonder about the more famous Egyptian Book of the Dead
-Then I start thinking about how long ago Egyptians lived, and where exactly was that in the history of recorded time?
-Move to history of human evolution & various periods (Cretaceous, Paleolithic, etc.)
-A more closer look at the Pleistocene era and...

OMG THERE WERE ELEPHANT-SIZE GROUND SLOTHS!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megatherium

So to backtrack - I went from the Tibetan Book of the Dead to gigantic ground sloths. I consider that time well-spent.

*Now the inside joke: Last Christmas I had bought my 4 yr old niece a "fur-real" penguin that chirps, flaps its wings, and makes a gluggling sound when you feed it a bottle. I thought I'd find her a book to go along with it, so she could read about the behavior of penguins. I went on amazon and plugged in "penguin." One of the first books that came up in the list: "The Penguin edition: Tibetan Book of the Dead." Maybe not the best gift for a 4 yr old... However, my brother thought it would be QUITE interesting.