Rules of the House

One of the titles in my Chapters of Life entry was Rules of the House, which I will now divulge to you. I have a Halloween party coming up that I am hosting in my apartment, and I've got to admit that I'm a little nervous of what will transpire. My friends have been a bit iffy in the past when it comes to parties, and I've had to set a few House Rules. These are totally legit, by the way. No sarcasm intended.

1. Pants are optional. (This was created in college, and still stands. Make yo'self at home.)

2. Do not throw my cat. (Seriously. Why should I even have to say this? What kind of person are you? I will most certainly hold a grudge, and think less of you as a human being.)

3. Do not get drunk and break my glassware. (Okay, this was just a humorous threat, but I will still keep it nice and safe in my hutch from now on.)

4. Do not have sex on my couch. (Again.. seriously. WTF. I have a spare bedroom. Couldn't you AT LEAST use my spare bed?)

5. Friends do not ask friends for threesomes. (This should just be an unspoken rule. Why on God's green earth would you think this was a viable or even realistic idea?)

6. No smoking in my apartment or on my balcony (Management rules.)

7. PLEASE keep the obnoxiousness to a minimum. (We're not teenagers, and we do have quiet hours.)

The Other Side

Infatuation

Atlas World

Lightly Child, Lightly

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling...”

Aldous Huxley, The Island

Desired Things

Desiderata


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.



© Max Ehrmann 1927

Chapters of Life

Here's an old post I started a long time ago, and as I've been lazy with this lately, I figure its good enough.

We all know there's a story behind every moment in life. At least a few that could make up some good chapters, right? I'm sure anyone reading this could come up with quite a few of their own, but over the years I've started compiling a list of chapter names for that day when I may find enough focus to write the stories down.. though some have already been written. Here's a few:

The Abandoned House
Makers Mark & Nine Inch Nails
Oh, Those Northern Boys
Everyone Deserves a Latin Lover
To the Lost Girls
Your Mom's Samoan High School Sweetheart
The Side of the Road
Running off to Boston to be With the One You Really Want
Here's Your Dagger, I'm Sorry for the Blood
A Tale of Two Erics
Friends Do Not Ask Friends
Rules of the House
Independent Women

Is This What You Wanted?

October is my favorite month, Autumn my favorite season, and tomorrow I'm running away as far and for as long as I can (which isn't much on either counts.) I'm going away from a mundane office job with hypocritical supervisors; away from rejection, from loneliness in the midst of crowds, from people in arrested development & adult cliques; away from the frustration of being stuck and struggling to break free. I'm driving alone to Wisconsin to my older brother's sprawling house on sprawling acreage with giant trees and miles and miles of open space; to a place with people who know me, who understand my way, people I grew up with, who aren't trying to be anyone they're not. People who are just as relieved to be around someone equally comfortable with them. I'm going to shoot the homemade bow & arrows my brother made for his wife & girls, climb in the treehouse with my niece, and go out in my socks to throw balls for their dog in the chilly morning. I even told my brother he could wait to go to an antique salvage yard, so I could tag along.

I like to tag along with my big brother. I like to wear sneakers & jeans & hoodies b/c no one cares, and do whatever I like without feeling like I have to do something socially acceptable in someone's house, b/c I'M acceptable, and no one cares. Because these are people who grow & pick their own apples, and then spend a week making all sorts of homemade apple stuffs, including cider. Who make beer & wine, and renovate their entire house on their own, and have careers they love & creativity left over, and go out bike riding with their kids, and have shelves and shelves of books in every room, and have cabinets with drawers that say "interesting things," "useful things," & "neither." And quite honestly, I am lost without those people, b/c they are who I always knew I was, and who I always wanted to be. Not alone, going through motions, trying to find a chance, waiting to find someone else similar to me. I told my mom recently that I just wanted to be around the kind of people I grew up with, and she said that gave her hope that maybe I would give up chasing windmills. What else is there to chase when you have never yet been able to catch up with what you've always needed? When your timing has always been a little off?

Every kind of freedom has its own bonds. And while I'm as free now as I've ever been, while I can do anything I want to do without being told I can't... there is a certain sadness always present. A sadness I think too many people know all too well. So I head down the open road again, trying to find a peace away from these confines; to feel accepted & included; to feed the restlessness inside me for a few months longer, until I finally find a change to suit me.

Confessions of an Independent Woman

Remember that old Destiny's Child song Independent Women? Well if you love bad remake movies with hot chicks or bad attempts at girl power, you sure do. If not, here's a little "slice of heaven." See what I did there?

Enjoyed that, did you? Well somehow I've reached the personification of that song, and honestly I not only don't know how, but am not all together sure why its so glamorous. I never realized that girls look up to women like me, but I've been told by other women my age that not only do they envy me, but their teenage girls want to be just like me when they grow up. Seriously? No, that's actually what they say. "I want to be like Lisa when I'm older. Working two jobs, having my own place, and not having to rely on a stupid man for support. She doesn't have kids, and can do whatever she wants."

All right. I guess from an outside birdseye view that's all good, though not even close to what I wanted when I was a teeenager. Not exactly what I want now either, but I guess its where I'm at.

Its true that I've always been a bit of a loner. I could go into hashing it out, but its mainly just my personality - INFP if you're familiar with Meyers-Briggs. I like to do my own thing, be in my own head, not have a lot of high energy in my personal space. So I pay to have my own apartment. I don't need to have a man (though it would be nice) I don't need to have friends around at all times, or need to live with someone. There are so many women out there in bad relationships b/c they can't bear to be alone, or live unsupported. Well, I've never much taken to low self-esteem, so being on my own isn't something I dread.. but there are some downsides to all of this.

The dark, miserable side of being an Independent Woman:

I pay for all my own stuff, yes - BUT I also work two jobs so I can. Not a lot of free time for this girl. My personal life is far from glamorous.

I don't take whatever man comes along who is interested in me - BUT that leaves a lot of lonely nights & frustration without someone to compliment my personality.

I can go out when I want to - BUT I don't necessarily have friends to go with. Since I decided to be restless & rebellious when I was younger instead of settling down like most normal, intelligent people I'm used to, I tend to be at a loss for those of my kind. Most others like me are okay with doing their own thing, or staying in their own little comfortable clique. So I either don't go out, end up alone, or go out with less desirable acquaintances that either ruin the night or get us into trouble.

So, there you have it. I guess I don't really know what else to say on this issue, b/c honestly, I really wanted to be a secret agent like Charlie's Angels, so this is all a bit of a let down to me.

But HEY! I'm not in a controlling relationship, I pay my own bills, & that car I drive?.... I BOUGHT IT. Okay, that does feel nice to say.