Total Girl Moment

Why does it seem that all women are born with this illogical desire to own each and every pair of cute shoes they see? I never thought of myself as having a shoe problem, but over the past few years, I've found myself staring at ridiculously overpriced pairs of ballet flats, boots, etc., that I might only wear once or twice, thinking how adorable they would be, even for that instance. Its a curse. I think I've done well with controlling this female urge thus far, and only own, oh... 15 pairs? But a girl HAS TO have that many! Each outfit demands a certain style, a certain ambiance. You say something completely different about your look if you wear Chucks with jeans as opposed to a nice pair of slip-on Oxfords (and I must say here that I LOOOOVE my brown Oxfords. As in, I can't believe I was lucky enough to purchase a pair of shoes so unbelievably comfortable, cute, and versatile, all at a great price! b/c of course, you have to buy everything on sale. Its not a find if you pay full price. Unless its something amazing that you just have to splurge on right then and there.. like this single-shoulder, deep purple, soft faux-suede, ruffled blouse I just bought b/c IT. IS. GORGEOUS. and makes me look like a goddess.)

Back to the shoes... I was out with my mom shopping for fall/winter boots tonight, and while she was looking for a very specific type of knee-length black heeled boot, I just wasn't in the mood to get anything. Excepting that those mid-calf suede boots with the fur and tassles that appear to have jumped right out of a Viking settlement just looked so damn adorable. I'd never wanted a pair of anything resembling those, but now they're insulated and water-proof! And c'mon, I'm Danish. With a pair of leggings I'd look more like a Viking vixen than any of those skinny sororitites out there. OK, I didn't buy them. I couldn't justify it. I could only think of a couple of times that I'd actually wear them, and that wasn't good enough for me to throw my money at. Granted, I did go directly into a shop that seems to have appeared out of nowhere that is soooo cuuuuuute, where I bought the aforementioned blouse, and who on earth knows when I will EVER get the chance to wear that.. but I digress.. again.

Now that I think about it, I believe it starts at a very young age with Barbie dolls and dress-up. Barbie dolls have every accessory and shoe available to them that little girls can mix and match with each outfit. Why wouldn't we be allowed to do the same thing when we're adults? But then does Barbie have all those shoes and outfits b/c the lavishly dressed divas of reality inspired her wardrobe? Is it the chicken or the egg?? There have always been rich women, but then again, there have always been dolls. So I guess it just comes down to the innate desire to have more and as much as possible, only in women the obsession seems to be directed toward fashion. Is it b/c we love pretty things, or does it have a deeper psychological root? I think we're getting into a more serious area of discussion here than I had originally planned, so I will stop with this: We went into Nordstroms tonight, and found they have a Shoe Salon. A SHOE SALON. There is a man there dressed full out in a 5piece suit and tie to assist you in finding the perfect pair. We went over to browse through the rows included in the boot sale, and found pairs marked down to $250. We took the hint, and promptly left.

Home is where....

My whole life I've struggled with the answer to one question. In fact, for the longest time, I was confused as to what people were really wanting to know. For a little kid, this shouldn't be such a difficult problem. "What is your hometown?" Seems simple enough, right? Well, I didn't understand what that meant. Did they want to know where I was born? Is that what it means? I was born in Cheyenne, Wyoming.. but we moved when I was 3 years old. So could I really feel comfortable saying that was my "hometown?" I didn't grow up there. I certainly have no roots there. (I do have an insatiable love for the mountains and the vast wide open, but who wouldn't?) After the age of 3, we moved until I was 10 years old, which is when we settled in Kansas. Now when people ask, I tell them I spent most of my time growing up around Lyndon, KS. We lived there for a good 10 years before my parents moved again while we were all away at college. The home - the house - the small, tiny town; that was my home, but I am not able to go back to it. Sometimes I greatly envy those people who can go back to their childhood homes. The memories. Being able to sleep in their old rooms. I often have dreams about my house. It seems cruel to be a nomad half your life, to settle down for one portion, then move on again.

Now everyone is scattered around the country. Immediate family, childhood friends, college friends, cousins, etc. No one in the same area, either. Its like they all picked different corners of this gigantic country and decided to spread out. Such is life, I suppose. Though when home is to be found in loved ones, and no one is in the same place, it can sometimes get depressing.

I've felt misplaced for quite awhile now, unable to feel like I've found my home, and I'm trying to decide why. I lived in Lawrence, KS for a good 8 years, and while I now often refer to it as my hometown - where I was able to do a lot of growing, and the one place I feel able to call my own - it never felt like it was meant to be my settling place. So I'm on another stepping stone, trying to decide where to go from here. At this point in my life, I have no pressing reason to be in any specific location. Some might be envious of that situation, but it can sometimes drive a girl mad. Home is where the heart is. My heart is floating free, and is so confused.