Home is where....

My whole life I've struggled with the answer to one question. In fact, for the longest time, I was confused as to what people were really wanting to know. For a little kid, this shouldn't be such a difficult problem. "What is your hometown?" Seems simple enough, right? Well, I didn't understand what that meant. Did they want to know where I was born? Is that what it means? I was born in Cheyenne, Wyoming.. but we moved when I was 3 years old. So could I really feel comfortable saying that was my "hometown?" I didn't grow up there. I certainly have no roots there. (I do have an insatiable love for the mountains and the vast wide open, but who wouldn't?) After the age of 3, we moved until I was 10 years old, which is when we settled in Kansas. Now when people ask, I tell them I spent most of my time growing up around Lyndon, KS. We lived there for a good 10 years before my parents moved again while we were all away at college. The home - the house - the small, tiny town; that was my home, but I am not able to go back to it. Sometimes I greatly envy those people who can go back to their childhood homes. The memories. Being able to sleep in their old rooms. I often have dreams about my house. It seems cruel to be a nomad half your life, to settle down for one portion, then move on again.

Now everyone is scattered around the country. Immediate family, childhood friends, college friends, cousins, etc. No one in the same area, either. Its like they all picked different corners of this gigantic country and decided to spread out. Such is life, I suppose. Though when home is to be found in loved ones, and no one is in the same place, it can sometimes get depressing.

I've felt misplaced for quite awhile now, unable to feel like I've found my home, and I'm trying to decide why. I lived in Lawrence, KS for a good 8 years, and while I now often refer to it as my hometown - where I was able to do a lot of growing, and the one place I feel able to call my own - it never felt like it was meant to be my settling place. So I'm on another stepping stone, trying to decide where to go from here. At this point in my life, I have no pressing reason to be in any specific location. Some might be envious of that situation, but it can sometimes drive a girl mad. Home is where the heart is. My heart is floating free, and is so confused.